Moving on.

I survived second year. I purposely wrote "survived" because I truly feel like I went a little mad over the last four weeks. For those who had to witness the temporary insanity, I apologize!! I actually started to feel like I should keep to myself for fear of having people see me in such a mess. My roommate constantly asked me how things were going, to the point where I almost wanted to say: "how do you think it's going?!", very rhetorically of course. I was getting annoyed that people were asking me how things were because clearly the only thing to respond with was "bleh blah blie blah". That was me complaining/ranting and oh how I hate to complain, but honestly that's all you would get out of me. The worst was when my roommate would give me the pity eyes, that said "oh poor you." Those were the times when I really wished that I could wallow alone. I have always been pretty good at containing my stress and not let it get to me. But then I started to think, was that really me, or was I restraining myself so as not to look vulnerable or make other people around me miserable. I suppose it is a bit of both, but I think to be honest, nobody likes a complainer. To be fair, my friends were going through the same things as I was, and there's something to be said about getting the support that you need. But when it comes down to it, you need to deal with the stress yourself, especially when your friends don't have the time to take on your problems on top of theirs. Tasha showed me a white hair that she had plucked from her head the other day...to which I responded that I will surely get some of those if there is more stress to come.

I am reminded of something one of our tutors once said: "nobody is ever running at full psychological capacity. At best we are averaging an 8 out of 10. I know I find myself at about 7 often; we all have our psychoses to deal with." She was a psychiatrist.

And now that I am done, it is all but a distant memory...something to reflect upon, but not be bogged down by.

Although I just wrote about how horrible I have felt over the last month, I must end that segment with a caveat. Second year was the most amazing year EVER!

Now that I have some free time on my hands, I will be able to write more often. But as I'm sitting here, just me and the laptop, I can't quite pin down anything I want to write about at the moment. So I guess the immediate topic I'd like to tackle is: am I a material girl?

By the purest definition, of needing or wanting material possessions to be happy, I am indeed a material girl. I crave things sometimes just to satisfy my wants, however I think that I can be less superficial than that. I think the things that I want cost money, and not necessarily that I see things and therefore want them. On the other hand, I put sentimental values on things, or put thought into things that I own. This ultimately leads to my next problem, being unable to let go of objects. Again I will partly blame my poor memory on the fact that I keep objects such as notes, cards, gifts, clothing and memorabilia so that I don't forget people/events/moments. I usually use objects as a prompt for a memory - and for the sake of keeping memories, I can't let things go.

From merely looking around the room, it is apparent to me that I have difficulty letting things go. In my room alone, I have books and notes from high school, old cards, drawings, gifts, photos and useless day planners, stuffed toys, trinkets, and magazines. I rely too heavily on material things. Although I do go through old things once in a while and reminisce, really it is time to let go. And that will be one of my goals this summer, is to get rid of the clutter in my life, get rid of the peripheral things that don't mean anything to me any more, and literally put them in the past.