The craziest ever story that you will tell 20 years from now and laugh about because it actually happened to you. What is the truth?

Today I finally got some answers. I am going to purposely remain vague; I had a conversation about this before, about how much to disclose in such a public forum. After some thought I've decided to change my approach. That is, I once thought of this thing as a diary, a place to put my thoughts, so that one day I may look back and remember. And this being public, I have to think more carefully about what I say. I do this for myself and nobody else and this is the way it will be.


Right, so back to the beginning. I got some answers today after I think was an appropriate delay, now that I am changed and ready and no longer naive. It's not helping me to sleep right now, but I am assured that I will feel better soon.


I used to be naive, to think that life would have this linear trajectory. Because I wanted it to work-out. Before I turned 20, I remembered hearing a warning - now looking back, a prediction - that being in your 20s isn't easy. I thought, that's absurd, it can't really be that difficult. But now I get it. I do. Thank you, to whoever, whatever is trying to teach me a lesson, but now I get it. Can we get over it now? And now all I hear is 40 is the new 30. That is another disconcerting "warning" and I can both agree and disagree with it. I don't want to wait until I am 40 to realize my happiness; then again, I also don't want to feel like I've already done my best work and that the rest is downhill from here.


What surprised me most in my lesson is how poorly people can treat each other. I used to think that it takes a lot of effort to be mean to somebody, but maybe it is the opposite, it takes a lot of effort to be nice...otherwise people would more often use their better sense to be nice. Have I lost my faith in people? No, but as I said before, I am no longer naive.


Sometimes I wonder if I demand too much niceness from others. I think that is one of my faults...maybe I end up being this human reminder or conscience if you will, to be good and to make the right decision. God that must suck to have to deal with.


All I really ask for is decency.


I have been feeling more confused than ever. Am I coming or going? Do I cry or do I laugh? Do I let go or stay guarded? There is so much more of the real world that I have yet to discover. It's daunting. But I am happy that my eyes have finally been opened. I am confronted with my past more often then I'd like to experience. That being said, I have thought about things enough to know that there are many ways I could have handled myself. I won't purport that I could ever have changed any outcome. That is a statement I will stand by. Guilt is a funny thing, but I'd never want anybody to feel guilt over me, because that just makes me a victim. And I am not a victim.

Jeopardy.