Another fracking Sunday.

It's December. It feels like it's been a while since I have blogged, and alas this is true. I am sort of forgetting the hang of it already. So December in Toronto. It hasn't snowed much. I think only once. The temperature has been ominously hovering around zero for the longest time, never really willing to take a side and stay there long. The big one is really going to come any time soon. It already hit London...Andi and Jenn both have awesome snow pictures and I heard reports that London had its first SNOW DAY in 25 years???? I could have sworn that I've had a snow day before, but in fact, I think that those days (back at Montessori) were just pseudo-snow days for those who travelled a long distance to get to school. I always managed to make it to school on those days...what a bummer, but at least we never actually did real school work on those days. Do we ever get snow days as adults??? I wonder....

(as I'm writing this it sounds like someone is sawing a piece of wood with a hand-saw in an adjacent apartment. My imagination makes me think it is actually a rambunctious dog, angry that its owners have left it alone, and has decided to rip up the carpet.)

I wonder why I haven't been writing. Is it because I'm busy? Maybe. Sometimes I'd rather go to bed than to write. But damn, writing is so therapeutic. If I don't write, I feel like I'm bottling something up...even if I tend not to write about those things that I am bottling. Consider it a cathartic process, somewhat likened to songwriter's angst or expression through means of arts or sports.

I woke up yesterday morning with a most terrifying feeling, brought on by a bad dream. Vivid as it was, the events were complete fabrications of my imagination, but they were based on horrible experiences and past fears. Memories and thoughts that I cannot get out of my mind. It would take an alien abduction or Alzheimer's or maybe hypnosis to suppress them. I think really it's the season that is causing me troubles. Has it really been a year?

I read on someone else's blog that the bad times, no matter how insignificant they were in the grand scheme of things, tend to stand out. Why? Because maybe they were the most recent of times and maybe they were the most intense feelings of all.

Denial. Disbelief. Stun. Betrayal. Lies. Trust. Loyalty. Feelings and virtues, what are they but abstract things. Sometimes I'm a complete mess!

Speaking of betrayal, is it not betrayal if someone is your friend because they have feelings for you? A betrayal of your trust or a betrayal to the formed relationship - if the reason that they wanted to be near you was because they had a vested interest; if the possibility is not there that it becomes a reason to no longer be your friend? How sad we humans are sometimes.

************************************************************************************
On another note, I've discovered an amazing TV series, seeing as LOST is on a hiatus, and both Project Runway and ANTM have finished. It's called 'Battlestar Gallactica'. Albeit a friggin "sci-fi" series, I think of it more like a combination of Star Wars, The Matrix and The Terminator all rolled into one-it's altogther suspense, mystery, philosophy and social commentary. If I thought harder, I think I could come up with better examples, but it's getting late at this point. My roommate, who is a bit of a sci-fi fanatic handed me the dvd's and I was hooked from the first pilot. It watches like a movie, which I like! It has lots of twists and turns, and it manages to stay fresh (at least through the first season so far). Tricia Helfer is in it too, and she astounded me with her acting ability, au contraire to her "acting" in CNTM. I have to comment that the acting all-around as well as the visual effects are excellent. I'm just stunned that in the apparent future, when there are only 50, 000 humans left in civilization, the majority of them are caucasian (a slight oversight by the creators of the show). Anyhow, I quite like their adaptation from the F-word to another F-word: frack. Now they can fracking say whatever the frack they want to say to show more emotion when things get really fracked up or when someone thinks that someone else is a frack-up and wants to tell them to frack off. Whoa that was so much fun!

Frick-frack.

Watch it, it's awesome.