I'm all bruised up

Millions of thoughts going through my head all the time. Some thoughts are repetitive, some are useless, some are annoying, some come inexplicably. Sometimes it's a song that triggers something. A smell. A place.

Sometimes when I wake up, thoughts are already invading my mind. So much so, that it gets me up in the morning, just to not have to think about things in bed where I can't escape from anything.

I woke up the other day hugging my pillow. What a comforting feeling.

Anyhow, let's just put it out there. I hate men. I am only saying this now because I know that I will be able to look back on this moment not too far into the future, with a completely different outlook. And when I'm there, I'll be able to see where I came from and appreciate my better frame of mind. Why are men so screwed up? Yes I can elaborate more, but I'm too tired to do that right now.

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Let's change the topic. I believe that there are three types of people out there....ok well there are many many types of people out there, but let's just generally break them into three groups for now. 1) Those who believe that change for the better is something to strive for, 2) Those who believe that they should change, but don't want to do anything about it, and 3) Those who are completely oblivious and think that change is something that homeless people ask for.

I think that I belong in the first group. There was a time when I was utterly happy being a boring person and although my situation was stagnant it was constant, and that's what I liked. Constant is good - in the sense that your support system stays constant, your beliefs stay constant, and your personality and sanity (hopefully) stay constant. I guess it's all that other stuff that you add onto it that can always be improved. Is there something goodie-two-shoes about wanting to be a better person? I guess we're not in grade school anymore, a time when we felt somewhat wrong about being a brown-noser or was ridiculed for being the "smart one"--but we're not in grade school anymore. As long as it doesn't become an exhaustive task, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a better person.

That is my motto these days. Hey, I tried out for a dance troupe the other day. I haven't danced since I was 12 when the only interesting thing about Chinese School on Saturday was practicing with the Chinese Folk Dancing group. I never went into rhythmic gymnastics or ballet, as I was once encouraged to do. But now I figure it's better late than never, and I have nothing to lose. Nothing (but my dignity).

What group do you belong in?